The Dark Knight
by abhorrent
Summary: “I'll find you, and defeat you. I always win, and such barbaric tactics sha'n't work on me! Do you understand, you Neanderthal? L will win.”--A one-shot in which L saves the world, and Light's in disbelief.


**A/N:** Oh, my. This idea hit my like a freakin' eighteen-wheel. Pow! Right in the kisser!

So, I'm sitting in the living room, watching South Park with my brother, and it's the WoW episode. I, myself, don't play the game. In all honesty, I suck at anything computer-related (sans the Sims, etc.). But, I was sitting there, thinking to myself, "Hey, what if such an occurrence happened in Death Note?" And, hence, this thing was born. It's a fun little one-shot.

**Disclaimer:** I do not, sadly, own Death Note. Nor do I own South Park, and for that matter, the World of Warcraft game. If I did, all of the aforementioned goodies would be a _lot_ more homosexual.

* * *

It was a slow, tedious day in the headquarters. Matsuda had long since abandoned the pretense of livelihood, and was then fast asleep on a stack of papers that held each and every murder that had ever been committed by Kira thus far. He was even drooling, somewhat, on the names; he had inadvertently, again, messed something up.

However, it was not just the air-headed man who had long-since abandoned the arduous work at hand. Even Souichiro, the steadfast and most attentive of them all, was flirting with the pleasantries of not working: doodling tiny sketches into his notebook and creating story-lines for each.

Seemingly, the only two hard at work were the youngest persons in the room: Light and L. Both men had their eyes glued to the monitor. Neither had spoken, or even moved more than their arms, in about two hours.

Light was halfway through some boring (and ridiculously annoying, he thought) Kira-worshiping website when suddenly L threw his hands up. He seemed exasperated.

"This is highly preposterous!" The man whispered, more to himself than the room. Though, as it always were, each and every eye rested on him after his outburst.

"Sorry to disturb you, Ryuuzaki," the ever-timid Matsuda began, fumbling with the buttons on his jacket as he avoided eye-contact with the boy, bleary-eyed in the throes of semi-consciousness "but, what has happened to make you so, uh, flustered?"

"Nothing too noteworthy, Matsuda-san." The way the detective had spoken the other's name was dismissive and called for the man to be left to his own devices.

And, of course, Light was beyond such petty warnings.

"If it has to do with the case, Ryuuzaki, then I have reason to believe that it, indeed, had plenty to do with us," he spoke, with a pretentious tone to his voice that he may or may not had been aware of. L only made haste to ignore the teen.

Then, whispering only in a volume that he could comprehend, he uttered a vague threat to the computer screen. As it were, it promised a sure-fire demise of whatever had upset the mighty detective.

"I'll find you, and defeat you. I always win, and such barbaric tactics sha'n't work on me! Do you _understand_, you Neanderthal? L _will_ win."

And so he went to work, diligent as ever.

* * *

Seven and a half hours had passed since, and nothing of interest had turned up. So, preoccupied already with his Crusade, L dismissed the team with an airy wave of the hand.

As each and every man cleared the room post-haste, Light sent a rather aggravated look toward the detective. But the man seemed immune, eyes trained to the screen with such a sycophantic diligence that the teen was hesitant in disturbing him.

But, of course, he did it anyway.

"L, uh, Ryuuzaki," he cleared his throat, rubbing the skin absent-mindedly as he did so, "what is it that has caught your attention so."

"Nothing of great significance to you, Yagami-kun."

The teen, even more vexed than before, took a moment to gain back his self-restraint. "Well, I was just asking because you've been so enthralled in what you're doing that you've barely spoken or moved all day."

"The reason I've been so engrossed to my monitor is because I am trying to save something."

Okay, Light thought, that was more informative than the obscure comments he'd been receiving all day. He was tempted to just.. lean over. But he couldn't give in to temptation. He wanted to pry this answer out of the detective himself, not cheat and achieve the answer the easy way.

He was taken from his thoughts when the man beside him let out a rather haughty breath. Ryuuzaki's lips curled into a pout, and he began punching keys on his computer with vehemence. "Confound it!"

"Beg pardon?"

"You know," the detective began, calmed enough to speak in his monotonic drawl, "all of this constant questioning and prying is very Kira-like, Light-kun. Kira would like to be aware off every goings-on within this building, if not to be delivered from his own paranoia."

A rather animalistic growl let it self be known, as Light slammed his fists down atop the desk rather angrily. "Don't you _dare_ relate natural curiosity to Kira! How can you sleep at night?"

"I usually do not," came the deadpan, as the detective let out another sigh. "But, I guess, if it is _pertinent_ that you know, I shall tell you."

At this, the teenager leaned in, eye alit in wonder. L stuck up his right index finger, and inhaled gently.

"I am on a quest."

"What kind of quest?" Light understood that he sounded more like a small child than he should, but he could not help it. Whatever L was engaged in seemed pretty interesting, and it'd been eating at him all day.

"I need to save a planet."

At this, there was a pause. Such a pregnant pause it were, that it had a child and another by the time a human being voiced another word.

"_What?_"

"You've heard correctly, Light-kun. I am engaged in this, how do you say, mem-por-guh?" The detective attempted to voice the anagram, and obvious failed at the attempt. He then looked rather cross. "And, this behemoth believes that he is above the law—I mean, killing everyone his beady little eyes land upon without a moment's haste! I am Justice, Light-kun, and I _shall_ prevail!"

"And," the teen took a deep breath, trying his hardest not to make any degrading comments. He was utterly disappointed that the man had beguiled him into believing that this was of any prominence, "what game is this?"

"I am one-hundred percent sure that it is most commonly known as _World of Warcraft_."

The boy could only groan at the chipper tone in which the detective had spoken. In utter incredulity, he just gawked at the young detective that was beside him. But, the man was deadly serious, set with a grave expression as his dark eyes stared at the boy.

"I'm not even going to ask as to why you're playing that game."

"Very well, then."

"Yeah."

"Go to sleep, Yagami-kun." With that, the detective turned up the volume, with possible spite, and made note to ignore the teen. Light just continued to stare, enraptured in the idiocy of the moment.

"Holy shit."

"No, Light-kun, there are no ominous, holy feces present." The solemn tone in which L uttered these words had caused a reaction in which Light brought his hand to his forehead, and created a mantra to prevent himself from suicide. Or, another very likely possibility, homicide.

"I'll just shut up now."

"You do that, Light-kun. Just remember to breathe."

And Light-kun slammed his head onto the counter.

* * *

Around three in the morning, Light was thrown from his fitful slumber by a cry of joy. His head shot up, half of his head of hair mussed with the sign of bed-head. Looking around warily, he became conscious of his surroundings, and turned to the creator of such a squeal. "Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, it was me!" The detective did not even try to cover up his embarrassing noise. "I, I did it! I've never felt such an accomplishment in my life! Oh, the joy!" The clapped his hands together in glee, looking more like a giddy child than an accomplished detective.

"What's happened?" Light tilted his head to the side, still half-awake and drowsy.

"I won! I, oh, how do I word this? I, say, kicked his tuckus to high heavens! I, erm, pwonted him?"

Light gave a short chuckle, running a hand through his hair. "And, prithee, _how_ did you go about this victory?"

"'Twas a simple equation, Light-kun." The detective was smiling, a rare occurrence in and of itself, as he began to speak his tale of battling toad-like boars in some wondrous forest until he was strong enough to move on to other human beings. Defeating them one-by-one, he was able to build up a rather boastful level and achievements. As he did so, he found his way to the wrong-doer—who, he noted on the side, had performed a rather fruity dance as he stumbled upon him.

"Really?" Light could not help but cut into the explanation, amused to no end.

"A real fruitcake, to be honest."

He had defeated him with some mystical sword a dwarf had bestowed upon him, slicing the man in half. Of course, he had then laughed in the man's face, in the metaphorical sense.

Instead, he provided a logical, tedious and over-worded explanation of the predicament, and then gloated rather haughtily at the poor soul whom, he had deduced, had as little a social life as the detective himself.

Though, of course, L had a more legitimate excuse—he was the brightest detective in the world.

"So," the man concluded, standing up and giving a long stretch. Light cringed at the popping noises that resounded. "that is my glorious plight. I do hope you enjoyed it, Light-kun."

"Of course," the teen admitted, "it seemed you saved the day, yet again."

"Verily." The detective agreed with a curt nod. And, as the teenager was about to voice they go to bed, the detective added in his innocent, airy tone he often used when voicing a request (see: order). His eyes grew large, and he gazed at Light until the teen glared in response.

"And, to congratulate me in my conquest, Light-kun should, indeed, bake me a cake."

"But,--"

"Now."

"Bitch," the teenager mumbled, to himself more so than the detective. But, the man had to have the last word.

"I am far from a female dog, Yagami-kun." He stood and followed the skulking boy, a rather smug look upon his visage. "Now, bake me my cake. Chocolate, please."

As the teenager sped up and dragged the detective along, forcing him to speed up his movements, the man let out a rather low chuckle.

"Ha-ha, bitch got pwnt."

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, well, I hope someone finds this thing humorous. I haven't written pure humor in a while, really, and I am trying to brush up on it.

I added the final part because, by the end of this, I was thinking of Matt. He would've been perfect for this, but I think a Light/L interaction is more humorous than Matt getting beaten by Mello for ignoring the crap out of him for some "fucking pansy ass game that has _no point whatsoever_." But, I believe that I might create another story with Matt and Mello, unless someone else does.

So, review. I enjoy knowing what my readers think. Hell, constructive criticism is appreciated. Hell, flame me all the way to Timbuktu, if it so tickles your pickle. Have a nice night!


End file.
